1. The outside is of little significance. I have been trying to learn this, feel this, probably my whole life. As a woman it is very hard to believe. Most things tell us otherwise. Yesterday I changed my hair style and to be honest I was a little nervous about what my daughter would think. She's 5 and has internalized me in many ways. I wasn't sure what that internalization looked like, physically. As she walked down the steps of the bus, I saw a sadness in her eyes. I immediately worried. As she ran into my arms she said, "Mama, an older kid on the bus said shut up to someone, and that was mean." She didn't say a word about my hair. Still hasn't. I am me and me is what I'm made of.
2. Sometimes it feels like I'm screaming into a pillow. Ever have the feeling like every single thing you reach out for just falls flat? I know there is an ebb and flow to these things but jeeeeeez. Enough already. So many follow ups. Soooooo many. I have follow up fatigue. I'm naming it and claiming it. Moving on.
3. No one gets out easy. A friend told me this about 20 years ago. She knows many things. Many things, and has dedicated her incredible life to getting to know other people's stories. The older I get the more I need to remember that when it seems like there is no where to turn, and you just gotta somehow continue to plow through what seems like an endless pile of shit, most people you know have been there too. If they haven't they will be. So be kind to yourself. Be kind to them. No one gets out easy.
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